Saturday, 27 April 2013
ep 19 People Watching and Other Bollocks
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Saturday, 13 April 2013
ep 18 Involuntary Evacuations and Other Bollocks
Uncle Arthur’s Bollocks is a podcast hosted by Lancastrian,
Nigel Boydell. The show’s format revolves around Arthur’s opinionated
ramblings about whatever has irked him that week. Although Arthur comes
across as a foul mouthed old lout who appears to want everyone fired out
of a cannon, he is, in fact, a foul mouthed old lout who wants everyone
fired out of a cannon.
…………………………
Uncle Arthur’s Bollocks
The story so far
Hey up! And welcome to this, the inaugural blog concerning all things ‘Uncle Arthur’. I think the best thing to do is to furnish our readers with a brief bio of our intrepid, if somewhat grumpy podcasting pensioner. ‘Uncle Arthur’ was born Arthur LloydGeorge Shufflebottom, to urine carbonator, Seth Shufflebottom and his child bride, Estonia, in the early to late parts of the 19th and 20th century. Arthur led a rather deprived childhood, only being allowed to eat solid food on the Sabbath, which was, unfortunately, a family fasting day according to the edicts of their obscure religious beliefs, and therefore, of double the inconvenience. He was put to work at the tender age of 10 as a Tripe Bleacher’s Monkey, on Bury Market, but was soon spotted by the editor of the local newspaper The Arseington Liar whilst spouting vitriol from the steps of the town’s Salvation Army mission, and was rescued by the aforementioned editor before the hostile crowd that had gathered could carry out the lynching they deemed the young Arthur so richly deserved. Our hero went on to become the newspaper’s editor, after implicating his employer/rescuer/benefactor in a sordid ménage a trois involving the then Prime Minister and a leading member of the Catholic Church. Arthur married, Gladys Outhouse, in the summer of 1954 after a whirlwind romance and a rather dubious curry, and they are still together to this day. After a long and rather turbulent career, during which Gladys was forced to live, for long periods, in a shed on the outskirts of Barnoldswick in Lancashire, Arthur retired to take up whippet breeding, flat-cap detailing and podcasting. It is to the latter that we will remain eternally in Arthur’s debt.
…………………………
Arthur settles back in his chair with a glass or three of something intoxicating and makes us all squirm as he draws our attention to something that most of us have experienced at differing levels, and with varying regularity.
(You know what it’s like, don’t you? Fuck me. You have a shed full of ale, get of yer tits big time and stagger round to the kebab shop for a boatload of shit food. It’s fuckin great! I love it, me! …. Arthur April 2013)
Yes, my friends, it is that familiar drunken visit to the kebab emporium after a nights excessive carousing.
He describes the ‘anchor leg’ phenomenon that keeps us in a vertical plane and the ‘wobbly head’ syndrome that threatens to reduce us to the horizontal. We hear about the hilarious ‘uncontrollable acceleration’, caused by the head’s alcohol induced gravitational vagaries that inevitably ends with the victim viewing the world from a spot some three inches above ground level.
(You do that acceleration thingy when yer fuckin head’s centre of gravity goes to shit. You can’t do fuck all cos you’ve got yer hands in yer pockets and you’re too pissed to take them out. …. Arthur April 2013)
Arthur almost loses control as he regales us with a rather graphic account of the involuntary bowel evacuation that is the ultimate humiliation, but also the ultimate right of passage that elevates ‘The Drinking Boy’ to ‘The Drunken Man’.
(And you’re in the bathroom with shit down yer legs, washing yer underpants in the sink. And you evacuate yourself like a fuckin nuclear warhead! …. Arthur April 2013)
Listen to episode
http://unclearthur.podbean.com/2013/04/09/ep-18-involuntary-evacuations-and-other-bollocks/
Enjoy ‘Uncle Arthur’ responsibly, and please be aware, ‘Uncle Arthur’s Bollocks’ contains very strong language.
He can be found at:
http://www.stitcher.com
http://www.iTunes.com
http://www.unclearthur.podbean.com
http://www.wickedradionetwork.com
Uncle Arthur’s Bollocks
The story so far
Hey up! And welcome to this, the inaugural blog concerning all things ‘Uncle Arthur’. I think the best thing to do is to furnish our readers with a brief bio of our intrepid, if somewhat grumpy podcasting pensioner. ‘Uncle Arthur’ was born Arthur LloydGeorge Shufflebottom, to urine carbonator, Seth Shufflebottom and his child bride, Estonia, in the early to late parts of the 19th and 20th century. Arthur led a rather deprived childhood, only being allowed to eat solid food on the Sabbath, which was, unfortunately, a family fasting day according to the edicts of their obscure religious beliefs, and therefore, of double the inconvenience. He was put to work at the tender age of 10 as a Tripe Bleacher’s Monkey, on Bury Market, but was soon spotted by the editor of the local newspaper The Arseington Liar whilst spouting vitriol from the steps of the town’s Salvation Army mission, and was rescued by the aforementioned editor before the hostile crowd that had gathered could carry out the lynching they deemed the young Arthur so richly deserved. Our hero went on to become the newspaper’s editor, after implicating his employer/rescuer/benefactor in a sordid ménage a trois involving the then Prime Minister and a leading member of the Catholic Church. Arthur married, Gladys Outhouse, in the summer of 1954 after a whirlwind romance and a rather dubious curry, and they are still together to this day. After a long and rather turbulent career, during which Gladys was forced to live, for long periods, in a shed on the outskirts of Barnoldswick in Lancashire, Arthur retired to take up whippet breeding, flat-cap detailing and podcasting. It is to the latter that we will remain eternally in Arthur’s debt.
…………………………
Episode 18
Involuntary Evacuations and Other Bollocks
April 9 2013
Arthur settles back in his chair with a glass or three of something intoxicating and makes us all squirm as he draws our attention to something that most of us have experienced at differing levels, and with varying regularity.
(You know what it’s like, don’t you? Fuck me. You have a shed full of ale, get of yer tits big time and stagger round to the kebab shop for a boatload of shit food. It’s fuckin great! I love it, me! …. Arthur April 2013)
Yes, my friends, it is that familiar drunken visit to the kebab emporium after a nights excessive carousing.
He describes the ‘anchor leg’ phenomenon that keeps us in a vertical plane and the ‘wobbly head’ syndrome that threatens to reduce us to the horizontal. We hear about the hilarious ‘uncontrollable acceleration’, caused by the head’s alcohol induced gravitational vagaries that inevitably ends with the victim viewing the world from a spot some three inches above ground level.
(You do that acceleration thingy when yer fuckin head’s centre of gravity goes to shit. You can’t do fuck all cos you’ve got yer hands in yer pockets and you’re too pissed to take them out. …. Arthur April 2013)
Arthur almost loses control as he regales us with a rather graphic account of the involuntary bowel evacuation that is the ultimate humiliation, but also the ultimate right of passage that elevates ‘The Drinking Boy’ to ‘The Drunken Man’.
(And you’re in the bathroom with shit down yer legs, washing yer underpants in the sink. And you evacuate yourself like a fuckin nuclear warhead! …. Arthur April 2013)
Listen to episode
http://unclearthur.podbean.com/2013/04/09/ep-18-involuntary-evacuations-and-other-bollocks/
Enjoy ‘Uncle Arthur’ responsibly, and please be aware, ‘Uncle Arthur’s Bollocks’ contains very strong language.
He can be found at:
http://www.stitcher.com
http://www.iTunes.com
http://www.unclearthur.podbean.com
http://www.wickedradionetwork.com
ep 17 A Night of Random Bollocks
Uncle Arthur’s Bollocks is a podcast hosted by Lancastrian, Nigel Boydell. The show’s format revolves around Arthur’s opinionated ramblings about whatever has irked him that week. Although Arthur comes across as a foul mouthed old lout who appears to want everyone fired out of a cannon, he is, in fact, a foul mouthed old lout who wants everyone fired out of a cannon.
…………………………
Uncle Arthur’s Bollocks
The story so far
Hey up! And welcome to this, the inaugural blog concerning all things ‘Uncle Arthur’. I think the best thing to do is to furnish our readers with a brief bio of our intrepid, if somewhat grumpy podcasting pensioner. ‘Uncle Arthur’ was born Arthur LloydGeorge Shufflebottom, to urine carbonator, Seth Shufflebottom and his child bride, Estonia, in the early to late parts of the 19th and 20th century. Arthur led a rather deprived childhood, only being allowed to eat solid food on the Sabbath, which was, unfortunately, a family fasting day according to the edicts of their obscure religious beliefs, and therefore, of double the inconvenience. He was put to work at the tender age of 10 as a Tripe Bleacher’s Monkey, on Bury Market, but was soon spotted by the editor of the local newspaper The Arseington Liar whilst spouting vitriol from the steps of the town’s Salvation Army mission, and was rescued by the aforementioned editor before the hostile crowd that had gathered could carry out the lynching they deemed the young Arthur so richly deserved. Our hero went on to become the newspaper’s editor, after implicating his employer/rescuer/benefactor in a sordid ménage a trois involving the then Prime Minister and a leading member of the Catholic Church. Arthur married, Gladys Outhouse, in the summer of 1954 after a whirlwind romance and a rather dubious curry, and they are still together to this day. After a long and rather turbulent career, during which Gladys was forced to live, for long periods, in a shed on the outskirts of Barnoldswick in Lancashire, Arthur retired to take up whippet breeding, flat-cap detailing and podcasting. It is to the latter that we will remain eternally in Arthur’s debt.
…………………………
Episode 17
A Night of Random Bollocks
April 5 2013
After a preamble about a recently purchased microphone stand, Arthur launches into a passionate assault on the culture of allowing children into public houses. Especially when he is trying to relax with a pint of real ale and an overcooked carvery.
(And there’s this bloke jumping around like a fuckin cabaret star with his arse in me face. I’ll tell you what. It was like something off the Jeremy fuckin Kyle Show! ….Arthur April 2013)
His next subjects for careful consideration are the self-service checkouts that every supermarket in the country now has for our service and convenience. Needless to say, they wind him up considerably.
([“Unknown item in the bagging area. Take it out, you twat. Get Flossie over here, now. I’m not wearing this, you tosser”.] Checkout talking to Arthur. ….Arthur April 2013)
Petrol Stations are next. Arthur misses the days when some menial in a uniform and self-deprecating manner came to the car to pander to your every whim, and you could fill your car up for 10 shillings.
(It’s different in America. You sit in your car while some little gimboid comes and checks your oil and cleans your windows and gives you a fuckin blowjob and gives you an enema! ….Arthur April 2013)
And if you are one of those people who goes around saying, “I’m mad, me. Me and my mates, we’re mad we are. We sit up till midnight eating biscuits and drinking coke, then expect Arthur’s final tirade to cause some offence.
(I’d fuckin shoot them into space, I would. I’d cover them in fuckin mirrors and shoot them into space, then you could watch the light reflect of them as they orbited the Earth. And they’d be waving and shouting. “I’m mad, me. Me and me mates are orbiting the Earth cos we’re mad, we are. ….Arthur April 2013)
Listen to episode
http://unclearthur.podbean.com/2013/04/06/a-night-of-random-bollocks/
Enjoy ‘Uncle Arthur’ responsibly, and please be aware, ‘Uncle Arthur’s Bollocks’ contains very strong language.
He can be found at:
http://www.stitcher.com
http://www.iTunes.com
http://www.unclearthur.podbean.com
http://www.wickedradionetwork.com
Uncle Arthur’s Bollocks
The story so far
Hey up! And welcome to this, the inaugural blog concerning all things ‘Uncle Arthur’. I think the best thing to do is to furnish our readers with a brief bio of our intrepid, if somewhat grumpy podcasting pensioner. ‘Uncle Arthur’ was born Arthur LloydGeorge Shufflebottom, to urine carbonator, Seth Shufflebottom and his child bride, Estonia, in the early to late parts of the 19th and 20th century. Arthur led a rather deprived childhood, only being allowed to eat solid food on the Sabbath, which was, unfortunately, a family fasting day according to the edicts of their obscure religious beliefs, and therefore, of double the inconvenience. He was put to work at the tender age of 10 as a Tripe Bleacher’s Monkey, on Bury Market, but was soon spotted by the editor of the local newspaper The Arseington Liar whilst spouting vitriol from the steps of the town’s Salvation Army mission, and was rescued by the aforementioned editor before the hostile crowd that had gathered could carry out the lynching they deemed the young Arthur so richly deserved. Our hero went on to become the newspaper’s editor, after implicating his employer/rescuer/benefactor in a sordid ménage a trois involving the then Prime Minister and a leading member of the Catholic Church. Arthur married, Gladys Outhouse, in the summer of 1954 after a whirlwind romance and a rather dubious curry, and they are still together to this day. After a long and rather turbulent career, during which Gladys was forced to live, for long periods, in a shed on the outskirts of Barnoldswick in Lancashire, Arthur retired to take up whippet breeding, flat-cap detailing and podcasting. It is to the latter that we will remain eternally in Arthur’s debt.
…………………………
Episode 17
A Night of Random Bollocks
April 5 2013
After a preamble about a recently purchased microphone stand, Arthur launches into a passionate assault on the culture of allowing children into public houses. Especially when he is trying to relax with a pint of real ale and an overcooked carvery.
(And there’s this bloke jumping around like a fuckin cabaret star with his arse in me face. I’ll tell you what. It was like something off the Jeremy fuckin Kyle Show! ….Arthur April 2013)
His next subjects for careful consideration are the self-service checkouts that every supermarket in the country now has for our service and convenience. Needless to say, they wind him up considerably.
([“Unknown item in the bagging area. Take it out, you twat. Get Flossie over here, now. I’m not wearing this, you tosser”.] Checkout talking to Arthur. ….Arthur April 2013)
Petrol Stations are next. Arthur misses the days when some menial in a uniform and self-deprecating manner came to the car to pander to your every whim, and you could fill your car up for 10 shillings.
(It’s different in America. You sit in your car while some little gimboid comes and checks your oil and cleans your windows and gives you a fuckin blowjob and gives you an enema! ….Arthur April 2013)
And if you are one of those people who goes around saying, “I’m mad, me. Me and my mates, we’re mad we are. We sit up till midnight eating biscuits and drinking coke, then expect Arthur’s final tirade to cause some offence.
(I’d fuckin shoot them into space, I would. I’d cover them in fuckin mirrors and shoot them into space, then you could watch the light reflect of them as they orbited the Earth. And they’d be waving and shouting. “I’m mad, me. Me and me mates are orbiting the Earth cos we’re mad, we are. ….Arthur April 2013)
Listen to episode
http://unclearthur.podbean.com/2013/04/06/a-night-of-random-bollocks/
Enjoy ‘Uncle Arthur’ responsibly, and please be aware, ‘Uncle Arthur’s Bollocks’ contains very strong language.
He can be found at:
http://www.stitcher.com
http://www.iTunes.com
http://www.unclearthur.podbean.com
http://www.wickedradionetwork.com
Thursday, 11 April 2013
ep 16 Juice Bar Bollocks
Uncle Arthur goes off on one as he voices his opinion of Juice Bars and the people who frequent them. We also hear about Juice Bars in such diverse locations as the Arctic and the Masai Mara. It's all just bollocks.It's all here unclearthur.podbean.com ep 16 Tomato With A TwistStrawberry with a HInt of Tangerineand a trifle of which we dare not speak
— Uncle Arthur (@uttertoshpod) April 2, 2013
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Saturday, 6 April 2013
The VHS Years
A change of pace, as I do a personal reflection of the 70s and 80s, when I was in my youth and young adulthood. We talk about student protests, personal heroes, drugs, music, films, and of course VHS tapes.Listened to The VHS Years from Uncle Arthur's Bollocks @stitcher @uttertoshpod A change from the abnormal. stitcher.com/s?ABEAAZQo-&re…
— Uncle Arthur (@uttertoshpod) March 26, 2013
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A History of Contraception and Other Bollocks
Uncle Arthur gives us a lesson on contraception through the ages. We hear about sheepskin sheaths, crocodile shit diaphragms, mercury birth control and loads of other old tosh. We close with a quick rant about televised Easter homage. Enjoy.Listened to Ep 15 A History of Contraception and Other... from Uncle Arthur's Bollocks @stitcher @uttertoshpod stitcher.com/s?AA9AAZQo-&re…
— Uncle Arthur (@uttertoshpod) March 23, 2013
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Saturday, 23 March 2013
ep 14 Ikea and Ikea’s Bollocks
Uncle Arthur takes us on a virtual tour of Sweden's biggest export. We hear about the plight of lost families and the perils of eating Swedish meatballs.Listened to Ikea and Ikea’s Bollocks from Uncle Arthur's Bollocks @stitcher @uttertoshpod More Arthur nonsense! stitcher.com/s?AAsAAZQo-&re…
— Uncle Arthur (@uttertoshpod) March 17, 2013
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ep 13 A Nigerian's Bollocks
Uncle Arthur relates some tales from his time working in Nigeria. We hear about crazy airline passengers, the madness of drinking Star beer, life on the oil rigs and much, much more. Listen and enjoy.A Nigerian's Bollocks now available at Stitcher.com and iTunes.comFun, laughter, sweary nonsense and goat meat
— Uncle Arthur (@uttertoshpod) March 15, 2013
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Sunday, 10 March 2013
ep 12 Food, Glorious Bollocks
Uncle Arthur gives us his opinion on the people who sit in judgement on television cooking competitions. He also expounds the merits, and otherwise, of drinking warm beer and rounds up with a bit of Tennyson culture.Listen to the podcast everyone is not talking about.Arthur's BollocksFOOD GLORIOUS BOLLOCKSStitcher.com iTunes.com
— Uncle Arthur's Pod (@uttertoshpod) March 9, 2013
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Listen, Fatso! and Other Bollocks
Uncle Arthur really lets fly at those more gravity challenged members of society. .... Eat less, get more exercise. That's what he thinks!Listen Fatso! Listen now. 100 downloads and Ronaldo implodes. Promise. Uncle Arthur's Bollocks stitcher.com iTunes.com
— Uncle Arthur's Pod (@uttertoshpod) March 5, 2013
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How To Be a Professional Ghost and Other Bollocks
Uncle Arthur gives some good advice on how to get ahead in the afterlife. He also gives us his opinion on modern day literature versus the horror stories of the 18th century. It's all just bollocks.'How To Be A Professional Ghost' now available to listen and download on unclearthur.podbean.com iTunes and Stitcher.com#bollocks
— Uncle Arthur's Pod (@uttertoshpod) March 2, 2013
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Monday, 18 February 2013
Old Man Drugs and Other Bollocks
Uncle Arthur takes us back to the drug fuelled 70s, when men were men and music was psychadelic. We hear about his weed enhanced cavorting as he and his middle-aged comrades attempt to rediscover their lost youth. Air rifle mania, horse rustling, popper madness.... even crispy duck pancakes. It's all here and it's all very rude.Drugs, crispy duck and air rifles. All here unclearthur.podbean.com iTunes.com and Stitcher.comUncle Arthur's Bollocks
— Uncle Arthur's Pod (@uttertoshpod) February 19, 2013
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Saturday, 16 February 2013
4 Wheel Bastards and Other Bollocks
Uncle Arthur really gets worked up as he lets us have his opinion on fat dobbers who park their 4 wheel drive vehicles in disabled bays, the disabled themselves, who charge around in those little buggy things and those supermarket self checkouts that talk to you like you're an imbacile.'4Wheel Bastards' now available on iTunes.com and Stitcher.com. 'Uncle Arthur's Bollocks' unclearthur.podbean.com
— Uncle Arthur's Pod (@uttertoshpod) February 15, 2013
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Saturday, 9 February 2013
PC, BS and Other Bollocks
Uncle Arthur meets us at his local billiard hall, where he puts us right about his views on our politically correct society, The Health and Safety Executive and the dangers of eating puy lentils.PC,BS and Other Bollocks now available iTunes, Stitcher, unclearthur.podbean.com, arthurbollocks.blogspot.com'Uncle Arthur's Bollocks'
— Uncle Arthur's Pod (@uttertoshpod) February 10, 2013
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Wednesday, 6 February 2013
Norman The Mental Spaniel and Other Bollocks
No Uncle Arthur this week. The noise at the British GP has fucked his ears up big time. Instead, his alter ego, Nigel, steps up to the mic with tales of Norman the mental as hell spaniel. Stealing eggs, boiled rabbits heads, disastrous training, shit on the stairs, pie pinching and the incredible string up the bum incident. It's all here, and it's all very rudearthurbollocks.blogspot.co.uk Norman the Mental Spaniel now up and listenable. #mad #spaniel #caninefucktard Here and iTunes
— Uncle Arthur's Pod (@uttertoshpod) February 2, 2013
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Niki Lauda’s Ears and Other Bollocks
Uncle Arthur gets dragged, against his will to the British GP, where he moans on about the deafening noise, how Niki Lauda lost his ears, and about his own driving antics from his youth. (including polluting the Rotherhithe Tunnel, transit surfing and hitting an unsuspecting pedestrian round the head with a wing mirror).And then there's the price of British GP hotdogs!Niki Lauda's Ears and Other B*****ks shar.es/Cwqdw via @sharethis Arthur gets dragged to the GP. And him with his sensitive ears.
— Uncle Arthur's Pod (@uttertoshpod) January 29, 2013
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Saturday, 2 February 2013
Cafe Society and Other Bollocks
Arthur scrounges a bacon and egg barm cake off us in the local cafe, where he airs his views on the shrewdness of cafe breakfasting, Americans, Roman catering, the freedom to steal newspapers, Big Brother and all sorts of bollocks. You can download podcasts here, or at iTunes, and you can follow us at Twitter @uttertoshpod . Please do.Café Society and Other B*****ks shar.es/CWnMy via @sharethis Uncle Arthur whinges about BB, Americans, Roman catering and other tosh
— Uncle Arthur's Pod (@uttertoshpod) January 22, 2013
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A Country Walk with Added Bollocks
We join Uncle Arthur as he takes a walk through the beautiful Lancashire countryside. We hear about the beauty of the universe,air traffic pollution, lazy kids and all sorts of bollocks. You can download podcasts here, or at iTunes, and you can follow us at Twitter @uttertoshpod . Please do.A Country Walk With Added B*****ks shar.es/4BTls via @sharethis Uncle Arthur takes us for a walk in the country. With added bollocks.
— Uncle Arthur's Pod (@uttertoshpod) January 17, 2013
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Tuesday, 29 January 2013
Tsunami Bombs and Other Bollocks
Uncle Arthur invites us in for a cup of tea and to marvel at his brand new colour television. He plies us with his favourite Yorkshire tea, and whinges on about car alarms, tsunami bombs, the Americans, gout and disagreeable foreign food. He's harmless, really. Uncle Arthur podcasts contain very strong language. You can download podcasts here, or at iTunes, and you can follow us at Twitter @uttertoshpod . Please do.Tsunami Bombs and Other B*****ks shar.es/4xznr via @sharethis Uncle Arthur treats us to a cup of tea and a great dollop of bollocks!
— Uncle Arthur's Pod (@uttertoshpod) January 12, 2013
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Turnip Bongs and Other Bollocks
It's a rainy evening as Uncle Arthur walks us down to The Swan for a couple of pints. It's the weekend, and the place is bouncing. He guides us to a quiet spot in the corner of the taproom, where he gives us his opinions on the younger generation, bygone pub activities, drug taking and his old mate, Bernard. More explicit nonsense from your favourite uncle. You can download podcasts here, or at iTunes, and you can follow us at Twitter @uttertoshpod . Please do.Turnip Bongs and Other B*****ks shar.es/47VxE via @sharethis Uncle Arthur Talks B*****ks in The Swan. unclearthur.podbean.com
— Uncle Arthur's Pod (@uttertoshpod) January 8, 2013
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Jeremy Kyle Types and Other Bollocks
Uncle Arthur welcomes us to his inaugural podcast, and immediately sets the scene by letting us know his views and opinions on Evangelists, cold calling telesales, gates that tell the time and other such tosh. He's a harmless old sod, really. Be warned that Uncle Arthur podcasts contain very strong language. You can download podcasts here, or at iTunes, and you can follow us at Twitter @uttertoshpod . Please do.Uncle Arthur Talks B*****ks shar.es/4gjfO via @sharethis He' a grumpy old sod.
— Uncle Arthur's Pod (@uttertoshpod) January 5, 2013
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